You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
