if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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