Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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