Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
