This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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