It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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