I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
