She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
