You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
