Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
