do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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