When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
