It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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