My sheets look like a crime scene.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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