The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize