I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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