I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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