His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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