did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
