I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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