your parents love me but you hate me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
