Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
