I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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