you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
