Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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