i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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