Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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