woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
