she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
