he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
