Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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