I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
