Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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