i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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