in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
