we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
