My pussy is not your playground.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
