Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
