The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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