checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
