im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
