how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
