420 ftw
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
