Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
