this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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