ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We talked him into tasing himself.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
