uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
