I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think your dad took our porno
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
