I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
