Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
