used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize