you turned your livingroom into a bong?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
whose parrot is this?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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