I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
