Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Randomize
