Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
