pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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