i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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