I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
