he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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