508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
