i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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