The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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