I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
