the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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