Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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