Plan B is the new Plan A
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
