Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
