okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
