Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
