I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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