i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Let's get the cat blown out
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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