I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
