he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
