Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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