he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
