It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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