Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
