I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
