Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we're making bets on your personal life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
