Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize