let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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