I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
