I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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