You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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