She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
