would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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