If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
