His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
