I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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