Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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