Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
