Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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